i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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