The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
