covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
