who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Randomize
