Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
