What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Randomize
