I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
