My room smells like vodka and shame
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
