Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
