people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
