You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
You need Xanax blowdarts
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
