I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
