Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
jump out the window naked night went bad
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