this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
