his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
