it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
