I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
