we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Randomize
