I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
