Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
