Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Randomize
