My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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