I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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