I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
