youre lurking in front of me
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
