The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
