Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
