Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
