Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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