dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize