Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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