Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
