Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
