Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
