It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
