i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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