I'm lost and stupid without you.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize