Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
