u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
