I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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