69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
