all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
