he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
