I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
