dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize