Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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