Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Randomize
