she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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