I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
