i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize