That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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