I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Randomize
