So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
