She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
