I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
