Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
