he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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