Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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