i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
i think i just lost a toe
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
