I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
