butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I know her cup size but not her name....
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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