afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
