I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
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