i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
