they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
