i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
