shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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