It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
My vagina just recognized that song.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Randomize
