I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Randomize
