is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
