i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
