My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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