Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
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