I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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