If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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