i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Randomize
