Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
sex in a hospital.. check
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
