i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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