Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Bring me that man meat
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
