Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Randomize
