This house was built for laser tag.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
