Umm I'm too high to move.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
