well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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