My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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