So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
