She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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