remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
