That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I love you.
Bad choice
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
