I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Randomize
