I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
