help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Randomize
