i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Randomize
