i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize