Your mouth is God's brothel.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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