You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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