i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize
