Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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