Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
