I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
