Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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