Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
