I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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