My hand turned me down
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
