So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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