If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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