enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
